Parenting skills: Pick up your battles.

Dear Diary,

I've been thinking a lot lately. I don't know why but my brain keep on thinking and thinking until I can't sleep. In facts, due to the haze (thanks ah my country) I feel so lethargic and my throat dry all the time despite having 2 litre of water a day. Plus insomnia. Falling sick is indeed inevitably. 

I know I have to write it down my thoughts here otherwise these thoughts kept on rewind (like a broken records) in my mind so! Do you ever heard, good writing is clear thinking made visible.  How to write if your thinking still full of muddle? 

How many times I've been using writing as a form of therapy to sort up some of my thoughts and voices out opinions and stuffs. 

Enough for the long winded intro! 

So!

I was stumbled with this subject, parenting skills. 

I've been a mother for a 8 year girl and still counting. Indeed, the parenting skill of having a baby, the parenting skill of having a toddler, and the parenting skill of having teenagers, are completely different. 

Baby only needs milk and solid food to survive. Seriously, maybe a couple of Fisher Price toys and flash cards will be sufficient enough to entertain them. The little brain inside is like white canvas which will absorb tons of vocabulary, emotions, and behaviour which leads to habit so watch out your tongue in front of your kids, parents! 

Having a toddler, well, Ever heard about Terrible Two before? Luckily mine was not that bad, Giselle still throw fits occasionally. One minute she's happy, now she's crying, and another minute she's upset, and those vicious cycle repeats by its nature. For me, "Time Out" is the best way to calm those tantrums scenario. And another method is to teach them tons of vocabulary and the skill of how to communicate nicely. The reason why Terrible Two is terrible is because they are feeling something but don't know how to express their feeling to the lack of words. So they're feeling frustrated, helpless, and restless. 

Ok, when my girl goes to school, she has to learn the skill of socialising. How to make friends and teachers happy, how to fit in the community so that she won't be in other's people way, and stuff like that. That's where the bullying coming from. Bullying is a form of insecurity. Do you realise that the bully is someone who don't have self-esteem so they picked someone who is weaker than them?

I don't really have life example here coz my girl still P2 and I believe she inherits Ah Lian's spirit from me. I think I'm the only mother who teach, if someone punch you, just punch back LOL what a bad example. Ok joking aside, to counter to this bullying at school, I believe parents and teachers have to work hand in hand, to treat all students equally, fairly as much as possible. 

For me, no matter how old my baby, it's still important to engage her in the deep communication and try to listen to her story. I always ask a lot of questions, like really a lot, just to understand her feeling. Ok, I confess that sometime I didn't have patience to listen to her, always tend to giving solutions quickly prior to her sharing. God, please mold me on this area. 

Let's side track a bit, shall we?  

Doing parenting, it's about when to pick up your battles with your kid. 

For example, I think it's not worth it to pick up battles with Giselle in choices of:

- Choosing clothes. Weekends, she can choose to wear dress/ shirt that she likes.

- Choosing activity during weekend. She can play arcade, watch movie, or even...

- Snacking, of course after meal time la

- Buying books ( I believe the love of reading starts from young)

The things that worth the battles:

- Asking her to finish vegetables during meal time. Every single time.

- To persuade (sometime force) to go Sunday school

- Do homework

- Read bible

So if you can see, since our kids is still under our authority. As parents, we have the rights to make decisions on the important things (religion, school, etc)
And we can leave the not so important things or not so urgent thing's decision to them.
In fact, by giving them a freedom to choose, it will exercise them to make little decision so next time, they know how to handle the bigger one.

Like this then life's will be easier. hahaha.

Ok last one, I've been reading books to prep myself to parents a teenager. Indeed it ain't easy since puberty will come around during that period of time. Even in Inside out movie (good movie! you should watch it!) there is this puberty button LOL it was so funny! 

I think the parenting skills of teenager will be totally new for me. Be friends with your kids and your kid's friends, giving freedom and control occasionally. Listen to them. Understand them. Support them. Well, the list goes on and on and I'm scared but I believe with God's strength, nothing is impossible. 

Phew I didn't know parenting such a tedious job! But seeing her grow day by day is indeed such a joy!


So all is good...Ahh I feel much better now. 

-Deb-