Monday, 23 September 2019

Ok, sequel part 2.

The break up.

After 2 years and 5 months of relationship with him. Lots of arguments, break up, patch back, and break up again, we were like running in a circle getting nowhere.

Firstly, I wasn’t sure that we are in the same direction of building a family and save $ to buy house together. Some time I felt myself saving $ hard enough and then when I checked on his saving, he just said, yes, he’s saving but he didn’t go into detail.  When I asked detail, he will be upset and angry and here comes the punishment again. So I better not to ask/talk about it. And he always said that whatever he’s doing (including gambling) is actually to earn more money for our future. And to proof to his brother in law that he can be good person earning decent money. Well, I guess it’s the only excuses he can come up with, to justify his behavior. Hello, Prince, WAKE UP. there’s no shortcut to earn quick money. Perseverance, discipline, hard work, and abit of luck in order to earn quick bucks which he doesn't have that traits at all. 

Secondly, gamble addiction. Although he has applied casino banned but its only for 1 year, but after a year, he can lift up the ban whenever he wants. During first year of our relationship, he banned himself from entering MBS casino for a year but still going to Genting multiple times and lost tons of RM. Then second year, after his first operation, he went in MBS again using insurance money and lost tons of SGD. The lumpsum insurance money from the bank is supposed to pay off his current debt, all wasted into casino in just one night. Not only casino addiction, he also addicted to all sort of gamble such as 4D, TOTO, and soccer bet. He can just spend RM10k in few matches and then resort to casino to so called recoup for the losses. End up he lost more because obviously you can’t win casino. 

Hence gamble addiction took tolls in our relationship. I am so fucking tired of making plans with him of repaying the bank debt, because every time he went berserk in casino, it only took 1-3 consecutive nights to get in a huge debt (we’re talking about few thousand and thousand SGD here), and it will take 8-14 months to recover. Every time the debt amount is depleting, and we are on track of paying debt, he will gone berserk again, uncontactable nights, and the amount of debt will be piling up again. 

It’s not only once, it happens twice, thrice, and in fact, multiple times. I even develop trauma whereby when he got lots of money, he will be wasting all in casino again. Only idiots like me can preserve for that long (coz I wanted to be in relationship badly), other girls will immediately leave him the second he broke his promise. Well, I really pity to his sister coz she has to take all of his shit and has no other choice coz he's the only sibling that she has. 

But I have a CHOICE though, and wise choice I’ve CHOSEN 😊 Never felt so good in my life having my own money, buying bags, go gym/ spa/ nail membership package to pamper myself. 

Thirdly, he likes to do something that I’m not comfortable with. Many times I told him that I don’t feel comfortable of him patronizing KTV in Lavender or Jalan Besar since it’s very famous of hanky panky KTV. If he wants to sing karaoke, please sing in normal karaoke like Family KTV or Manekineko together with me. And I don’t feel comfortable if he’s still meeting his ex-KTV girlfriend (or friends with benefit, since they were not official back then but slept together many times, he was such a loser). But instead of understanding my feeling, he kept going behind my back. He thinks that I don’t know few nights before his aorta accident he was patronizing KTV with one of his Chinese friends and back home quite late at that night, took MC the next day to recover before went out to drive grab again in the evening until he met the accident. Yeah. Instant karma of doing hanky panky stuff behind my back. Last time I felt so pity of him having this accident at a very young age. Now thinking back, I think he really deserve it right. God has eyes.

Fourthly, ok I might sound petty here but a guy who can’t even make his own bed every morning, won’t be able to make plan for his own life, right? I heard a saying, “if you want to change the world, start off by making your own bed”. Not only he can’t make his own bed, he can’t even wake up on time. Always 1-1.5 hour late for work. Every single day. And often take taxi to work. Wow rich guy. Lol. If I were his boss, I will fire him straight away!

Then because of we’re living separately, I need to give a morning call every day until to the point that he scolded me coz I’m disturbing his sleep! That’s the first year of our relationship. Then the second year of our relationship I have already learnt my lesson and sometime I have early morning meeting so it's quite busy in the morning and didn’t have a chance to call him. he will say why am I so cold, stop calling to wake him wtf. Hellooo Prince of Kedah, I’m not your mother or sister or babysitter! You better find domestic helper la rather than girlfriend. 

I even can recall the argument in one of Friday morning when he slept over to my place and I woke him up to go work together, I MUST wake him up VERY gently in order not to piss him off. And if I’m failed to do it, the plans for weekend will be goneeee…(punishment to cancel the weekend plan). Think about it, he really so abusive and manipulative in words and stupid me who gotten into this trap many times. Again, just because I want to be in relationship so badly. Not because I love him. Who’s on earth will love this stupid, full of pride, addicted to gamble, no money, no discipline, eczema, fat, and unhealthy guy? Oh, have. Those Thai/Viet KTV girl who super uneducated and wants to get dependent pass in Singapore. Perfect Match.

Lastly, I think I make it to a point that I don’t care about him and his gamble addiction anymore. When he told me he’s lost in casino again I was like oh ok. No feeling anymore. Last time I will go berserk and quickly plan for recovery stage but now, sorry I got no more feeling and I dont buy this shit anymore. I rather not waste my time (and my youth, money, energy) together with him and start to plan my future. I rather be ALONE, happy and contented, rather than BANKRUPT together with him. I have wasted 3 years of my life and few thousand SGD, and I don’t want to waste anymore.
 So the last stage before we broke up, he actually still ask me for $1k for him to go in casino and win back again, he said $1k is very small amount but I told him yeah very small amount for you but it's my 1.5months room rental for me. He even promised that he will give all of his salary to me next month. Sorry, Prince. If you think lowly of me eyeing your salary or use you to buy HDB, it’s a HUGE mistake. Firstly, our basic salary is on par and with my commission and allowance, mine is even higher than you. Secondly, I don’t want to manage your salary. I have my own and you have your own. Separate. I already have difficulty to manage my own finance let alone manage your finance. 
OMG another nonsense, he even blamed to me that I ruin his initial JB house plan! there’s one time he planned to buy cheaper house in JB and commute to work in SG weekday and go back JB over the weekend. and he said, maybe...just maybe, at that point of time if we bought JB house together, he wouldn’t trap himself in this casino gambling all his money away because he has commitment in JB. (see the blaming pattern!? Blame every situation, everyone but not himself) And you know what I replied to him? I replied, it’s just your excuse! Because firstly, it’s not practical that we commute daily from JB to SG to work, with normal people condition, it is fucking tiring to wake up 4am and stuck jam in the custom to commute to SG daily. the more impossible with his aorta condition whereby he can't get exhausted and needs daily medication to maintain his bypass and blood pressure. Plus, if he has JB house commitment, he will definitely use this excuse of wanting to pay off house loan quickly that’s why go in casino to gamble all the money. I DON'T BUY HIS EXCUSE ANYMORE. 


Prince Kedah, If you happen to read this, yeah, this is my message for you, 


Thank you and hope we don't meet again.

Piss off. 


Tuesday, 20 August 2019

Hello, I'm back!

Hello, I'm back!

My last post was about January 2016 and now it's already August 2019!

It has been a hiatus for about 3 years plus and I really miss writing! In those past years, I have been going thru thick and thin in this life....time flies very fast!

I think I will start again my journey in blogging, just to share experience and to commemorate my milestones of what I left of since January 2016.  Hence, in this blogpost, it will be a quick update on what's happened in my life in between January 2016 until now.

Let's go year by year....


May 2016~Went to Australia for the first time. Thanks to my friend, Nita who hosted me and provided me accommodation during my 2 weeks stay there in Melbourne. We did a lot of unimaginable things like road trip to Great Ocean Road, fly domestically to Gold Coast, jungle trekking, hugs koala and feeding wild kangaroos. And many memories created with her :-)

July 2016~ I left my job of 6 years in Ingram Micro, immediately got a job in KDDI which is super cool because I didnt expect at all. I remembered someone from Japanese agency contacted me via email when I was still in Melbourne, sent resume online and when I was back to SG, the next day immediately went interview in the morning and afternoon straight away got the job!
Same month, I went to Kuching for Hopechurch retreat and it's the first time going out with LG overseas.

August 2016~ Starting my new relationship with a guy from church. Happy lovey dovey moment as a new couple as we were still exploring and getting closer each days. For what I know, he's broke and have lots of bank-debt due to failure in his own business. And at that point of time, he's trying to clear his debt that's why I accepted him blindly. Little did I know the accumulated bank-debt was due to his bad habit which leads to improper financial management issues....

End of year 2016~ Celebrated Christmas in SG. Overall 2016 was a good year to me :-) Thank you, 2016.

Year 2017 was the year for me to focus on my career. In my new job, it was very challenging and yet so exciting! And I need to speak Japanese, too :-)
As far as I remembered my office located in CBD area and almost bankrupt everyday because the expensive lunch!
In the beginning of the year, I went to his hometown for the first time for CNY. Visited the highest tower in Alor Star and met his big family back in hometown for the first time.

Midyear, I couldn't really recall what happened exactly in 2017 but as far as I could remember, in my relationship, everyday was like a battle for me: quarrel, life-style adjustment, give in and take, break up, made up, repent, continue again: it's like a sin-cycle.

Bad things happened when he admitted to hospital due to Aorta dissection (this was happened in March 2017) and he lost his job immediately after recovery from illness (July 2017)

Although bad times happened, we also hadgood memories together: uncountable JB trip, Genting trip (mostly Casinos and gamble is involved), Penang/Langkawi trip, USS+Sea Aquarium trip, and many more outings with/without his family.

I left my Japanese job and start a new job in American MNC company, after got scouted by one of their Director. Starting job in Westcon and still keep in touch with some of the ex-colleagues till date :-) Unfortunately, this job was only lasted for 9 months :-(
My career at that point of time, was so challenging, I was asked to choose between 2 options: internal transfer or leave. And my relationship was getting tougher each days. Overall 2017 was a bad year for me :-(

End of year 2017, I brought him back to my hometown to introduce to my family. He upset because there was one occasion whereby my mom told him nicely not to gamble and waste his life away and start to focus on marriage and building family with me. It's not my mom's fault because she has the best interest in me and she wants someone dependable who can take care of me. On the same trip, I got call interview by (now) my boss and got new job four months later :-)

Beginning of year 2018: We celebrated CNY in SG due to his sister giving birth. Meantime, I got into new job in April 2018 and found Indonesian community in Schneider and we got along pretty well. Although they know that I'm in relationship with this Malaysian guy, some of them don't really like him I dont know why.
Once bitten, twice shy. Even though we loved each other, we were too similar age. We didn't mean what we said and we didn't say what we meant. We are adults but we acted like kids. Lots of mind-game controlling, hide and seek, cold shoulder games, prejudice, which was very exhausting.
Other than our incompatibility issues, he also has hanky-panky KTV and gambling addiction which most of the time caused argument and fight big time.

Midyear, actually I was already very tired and wanted to quit. However, I still kept on pressing down because I have faith in him. But in the same time, I was so dissapointed because I wasn't involved in their annual CNY gathering in their hometown, he asked me to book my own flight and directly meet there whereby all of them are driving by car. Secondly, they were not include me in their NZ trip due to limited space in a rented car. Then it's okay never mind I can understand. After all, I was quite okay then I decided to book flight ticket to go back my own hometown for CNY2019...which I think it's acceptable rather than spending my CNY alone in SG.

End of year 2018, my sister came for her annual visit to SG. I need to bring her around SG and I was so busy almost everyday catching up with her. And actually he just done his appendix operation so I just leave him to recuperate at home. Little did I know, he actually lied to me, lift up his casino ban and went inside casino and lost a lot of money. Btw, it's not the first time also he went inside the casino and owe bank money and lost big time, so when he came clean with me, I was like, oh okay, nothing, I'm just numbed. The worst is, we just had new year celebration at my house and it's just 2nd day of 2019 he became uncontactable many nights and went back in casino again to win back his losses. I was speechless, I felt like in a dark tunnel which has no hope in 2019. It was so dark.

I have this trauma that if I cant contact him, either he went to KTV or casino behind my back.

So I decided that this is my last straw and decided to quit.

I think it's a good time to call it quit also, since it's new year of 2019, I would want my new year start right and get away from this toxic relationship thing and start a new.

It was the most painful and yet the best decision ever!

Okay. That's all for today blogpost. Thanks for reading.

I will continue the next chapter of my life in the next blogpost :-)

Saturday, 9 January 2016

Welcome 2016!

Hi guys,

Long time no see.

OMG! It’s been a good month since my last post.

First, this is me and my new hairstyle. Decided to change new tresses since its new year :-)

The last post was in Nov, If my memory serve me well, it was the time when I was an absolutely nutter, preparing for N3 exam and approaching December which festive months with lots of events and celebration. 

But finally its over and I kinda miss December coz its my favourite month L

So! Let’s recap of what’s happened last month and also in this post I’ll include list of gratitude of 2015 and most important thing, New Year Resolutions of 2016!

Let’s roll on, shall we?

First, 4 Dec, Attended company D&D which I didn’t won the top ten or best costume or anything but win lucky draw Lacie 1TB Porsche design external hardisk which prized $150! and then we did Christmas exchange gift, too!

6 Dec was JLPT N3 test and I can say I did remarkably well during the test. So the results will be on March which I’m so excited about.

Followed by JCS Graduation ceremony @ Raffles hotel. That’s happened on 13 Dec. No idea what’s going on during the speech LOL but I went there just to take my certificate and the score report, as well as take tons of photos with sensei and classmate…

Went to meet EiEi my ex classmate for a quick lunch and exchange Christmas gift. It’s super-duper impromptu. LOL. Thanks sis for the Christmas gift. I do use the hair mask a lots since I colour-bleached my hair next year.

And then this year, I went out to see Christmas illumination @ Orchard together with the GXfit group. Background a bit, it is a church group which focus on fitness activity and I’ve found lots of friends of it. It’s weekly class and since I always go to my office’s gym, might as well I go to their class since it's only few stops away.

Home sweet home my hometown, Jakarta...Eat, play, sleep…like a pig. 

We celebrated Chloe’s 1st birthday and Giselle 8th birthday together at Churreria, Puri Indah Mall. So many people turned up and we chit-chat and taking photos nonstop. I like when Giselle treats Chloe nicely, she’s so gentle and considerate towards baby but still she prefers to play with friends from same age or older. LOL. Its ok. one step at a time.  Btw, I really miss my long hair now :-(

Then I cut my hair at Nobu Salon @ Citywalk mall. It's a Japanese salon and all the hairstylists and customers are Japanese. I felt foreigner in my home country!

The colour turned out to be nice! I like ash blonde and dark brown (2 coloured tone) and it's getting lighter over wash, but the problem is the hairstylist is Japanese and yet he did a lot of layered cut using layered scissors...which make my hair frizzy and unhealthy :-( I spent Rp. 1.9k there which quite cheap actually if you compare it with Japanese salon in Singapore. 

Then back to Singapore on 2 Jan and busy unpacking and stuff. Emo coz holiday is over. hahaha. 

That’s all my December about.


Now, jump to list of gratitude 2015

  •  I feel gratitude towards my health. Not only God give me pink of health throughout this year, I can exercise twice a week quite flexibly and meet lots of friends who has same interest.
  • I feel gratitude towards my family. Thanks for Chloe in our midst. She’s cute and adorable. I’m blooming miss her already. And Thanks for Giselle in my life, too. Especially when I see Giselle’s sleeping face, all my troubles and worry melts away. (sounds creepy) I feel gratitude towards people at home. They always support and listen to me when in needs, hope we can maintain a good relationship. There’s no way I take this for granted.
  • I feel gratitude towards my job. It enabled me to pay bills, plan for holiday, support my hobbies, and plan for future, too!
  • I feel gratitude towards my study, not only I can finish my CA class and take N3 2X within a year. I also have some spare time to study Jap and learn other things. 
  • Feel gratitude towards church. The facts that God gave me the opportunity to serve as an usher for the past year. I served in Conference, too. Unbelievably, God took away my worry and gave me strength to carry on for the whole 2 days of Conference.
  • I feel gratitude towards my friends. LG is indeed a very strong support system. Well, no one perfect including mine so I think it’ll be good if we can just accept other people’s strength and weakness. It’s all good
  • I feel gratitude finally my braces journey came to an end. I'm officially having nice straight teeth right now and I'm loving it! 

So this year 2016!

Study/ Career:

-        Taking up FA class, which means study harder 3X as usual.
-        Taking up new skills, such as: mastering some advance yoga post or learn how to maximize my Mac or maybe taking guitar lesson!?
-        Try to find a new job, at least find those I can utilize my Jap skill?


-        Settle down in new LG. God will put me to the right place and right timing.
-        Go venture another possible way to serve God, such as mission trip or kids ministry!? I'm not sure though.

 Spiritual, mind, and body:  
-        Taking fortnight to overseas. Hopefully to rediscover myself again in this journey.
-        Up my exercise routine. Not only jogging, I need to try out any other work out pls! My weight stuck on certain numbers and I need to lose weight!

-        To be able to listen more and speak less. I’m a natural non-sense talker. Remember, Deb you are 29 this year so pls behave like one pls!
-        Maintain good relationship with everybody. Be more open. Which I’m trying! And I’m trying again in 2016
-        Back to basics. Simplicity is good. Less is more.

Oh and the thing that I'd like to continue to grow this year is to have a surrender heart to God. Completely. Surrender doesn't mean I'm weak but it means completely let God take control. It ain't easy coz human is natural control-freak. But one thing for sure, when I follow His plan, all things will fall into the correct place and correct timing. 

As for His plan is good for me, now and forever. Amen. 

Ok I think I covered pretty much of it.  Oh ya last one, I aim to blog more often this year hopefully time permits me to maintain this blog regularly. 



Monday, 23 November 2015

Updates: November Birthday month


It’s been a month since my last post. 
Recently it has been a crazy weeks for me but overall it's still good.
In fact, November and December are my favourite month of the year!

The reason is simple.

November is my birthday.

December is Jesus’s birthday (aka Christmas).

Since 2007, December became even better; coz Giselle’s birthday falls on December too

Since last year, December is even the best, my niece was just born on Boxing day! A day after Christmas!

I miss you already, Chloe :-) 

So back to topic again, these few weeks have been crazy and at the same time, excited week for me. 

I just finished my final exam on Jap advance class last week, celebrated my birthday, and soon prepare for the N3 test again! 
Since I failed N3 on last July, I will retake on this coming Dec so pls pls pls God, lemme pass my N3 this time round with flying rainbow mark!

Prior to exam day, I was so stressed out, studying till 2 am every night, as expected, right after exam’s over I crashed and burnt. 
In fact, now I’m still down with flu and sore throat and still in recovering stage that’s why I have not even have time to study for N3! Ok ok must start studying tonight.

How I’d wish I can study in the morning (coz I’m a morning person) but I’ve spent my day working in the office, labouring and stuff, and by the time it reaches night, my energy level down to hill and what I want to do the least is to touch my Jap textbook... Ok dilemma aside, I really need to drag my lazy bum and start to revising asap!

Aside from Jap stuff, recently I have interest to explore my Macbook. So far since I own this Macbook, I only use safari and mailbox application...

What is page? Ah don’t bother, LOL. Keynote? Issit power point? LOL

Imovie? To create movie (obviously by judging the name) but still I don’t know how to use it, LOL.

Yep, I’m shameful to myself coz I own Macbook but still don’t know how to use its basic function.

What trigger me was actually, I just bought staff purchase, the latest version of Win2016 for Mac, which only launches a couple months ago! The price is $15 freaking cheap. Retail price maybe $199??  (correct me if I'm mistaken)

So after downloading all these shits into my Macbook, it triggered me to explore more applications in this powerful tool and decided to borrow tons of guidebook in the library and even to the extent of joining the class, too! Ok, next year resolution is to explore iWork!

So overall, these 2 things (Jap final exam and Mac’s class training) were occupying my first 2 weeks of November.

Then come my birthday, Friday the thirteen....

I was so sadden by Paris Attack, why of all days, they choose that day to launch the terror attack!? 

Many victim died by the shooting and bombing, many people mourning about the loss of their loved ones, the whole world mourning. What we can do now is to support Paris and pray for the lost souls and the same time, realizing that terrorist are REAL problems now that the WORLD is facing right now, and plan for anticipation. Pray for better world, for a better place to live for everybody with no regards of skin colour, race, and ethnicity.


Anyway, my birthday this year, I have a total of 6th time celebration. Let's go thru one by one quickly, shall we?

1st: my colleagues celebrated my birthday in advance because they thought that I’ll be on leave on the actual day! Turns out on the actual day, it was so quiet and awkward coz I'm still working on my birthday but its ok I really appreciate for the cake and the presents. Really love the Craftholics I can hug it while sitting in the office. 

2nd celebration is on the actual day, we went to Miz Japanese restaurant for a dinner and I got the nicest purple flower bouquet of all! I don’t know why LG thought that I love flowers actually I’m not really into flowers but don’t mind to receive one. LOL. Thanks for the Adidas gym bag and Starbucks card now I can coffee-binge till Christmas. LOL. 

3rd: Celebration at home. It was pretty simple by singing song and blow candles but appreciate the effort. Oh ya I supposed to celebrate with usher’s team on Sunday but I swapped duty with Anee coz I got Jap oral speaking test on that day, sadness....

Thanks, Sephora for the birthday gift! 

And also, I'm buying a proper American Tourister luggage for the very first time! 

4th: Thanks guys at GXFit class for celebrating my birthday after work-out session.  Lots of photobomb here and there seriously but I really appreciate the prayers and we had lots of fun putting calories back.  LOL.

5th: Met Carol for sushi-binge at Sushi Ryoshisushi in Liang Court. Love the Japanese sponge cake OMG so moist and I’m drooling now by thinking about it. 

6th: Met Anee in another Japanese restaurant, Kojitsuru Nabe at Bugis Junction. Love her company and catching up with each other. Next time my treat, ok ! hehe...

After that we celebrated one of the sister birthday at Stuttgart Cafe on last weekend. Took lots of photos such as these...

 That's all!

Ok I better go back to study again...

December is going to be an exciting month. 

Basically, DnD, N3 test, stock-take, Christmas celebration, services, dinner, till end of the year. All fully booked!
Oh ya, I’m going back to my hometown for Christmas and new year, to celebrate my niece 1st birthday celebration. 

But I’ll need to bring back my work too so will be working and holidaying at the same time. 

Till next year!? *ok will try to post again next week month*

Thanks for reading this wordy post.