Tuesday, 30 December 2025

Renunciation of ABG (Anak Berwarganegaraan Ganda)

 Dec 2025

Finally Giselle turns to 18 years old. which means... the clock is ticking until she reaches 21 years old, to renounce her Indonesian citizenship because neither Indonesia and Singapore allows dual citizenship. Although she still have 3 more years to go but being #kiasu #kiasi Singaporean, I would want to renounce her Indonesia citizenship first before ICA call her to sumpah (oath) in 3 years time. 

First step is to create login account in beloved SAKE. I just discovered that the website also changed, no longer SAKE but they call AHU Kewarganegaraan. Things have changed. 

New website: https://kewarganegaraan.ahu.go.id/backend/login.




Then choose, Permohonan Surat Keterangan Kehilangan Kewarganegaraan Republik Indonesia bagi Orang yang telah Memperoleh Kewarganegaraan Asing (Pasal 23 huruf (h))

Click "Saya Paham" to go to next page. (1a)


Here are the list of documents required to upload: 




Let's dissect what are the documents required: 


No. 1. Surat permohonan yang ditujukan kepada Direktur Jenderal Administrasi Hukum Umum, u.p Direktur Tata Negara dan ditandatangani diatas meterai.

Surprisingly the first document is the last thing that you can obtain, after submit your request, fill in all of your particular, and upload all the necessary document. so we KIV first.

No. 2. Fotokopi kutipan akta kelahiran atau surat yang membuktikan kelahiran dari orang yang mengajukan permohonan yang dilegalisasi oleh pejabat yang berwenang atau Perwakilan Republik Indonesia.

 If you are born in Indonesia, let's say, Jakarta, you have to ask for your relative's help to go to the official government office (DukCaPil) such as Kantor Kecamatan/ Kantor Kelurahan, to legalize Akte Lahir for you. Alternatively, you travel back to your hometown to legalize this document. I don't know how and how much because luckily my daughter was born in Singapore so I registered her Indonesian Akte Lahir in KBRI Singapore. In my case, I just need to go back to KBRI, to legalize the document for a fee. $40 per documents for 4 copies. 

To legalize KBRI documents in KBRI, I will need to book appointment via Antrian Online: https://services.indonesianembassy.sg/

Kekonsuleran> Lanjutkan Mengisi Antrian Online>Pilih Layanan>Legalisasi Fotokopi/ Salinan sesuai aslinya untuk dokumen yang diterbitkan oleh KBRI Singapura>Lanjutkan>choose the date (red: full, grey: cannot choose date, please choose the black font date> Lanjutkan> type Name and Email address>Lanjutkan>Upload Dokumen/ Naskah Asli and Upload Formulir Lembar Konsuler (both in pdf/jpg/png)>Fee is $40 paynow>Konfirmasi>SUBMIT. Basically just follow the instructions in website. 


No.3. Fotokopi kutipan akta perkawinan/buku nikah/laporan perkawinan/surat keterangan perkawinan dari orang yang mengajukan permohonan yang dilegalisasi oleh pejabat yang berwenang atau Perwakilan Republik Indonesia

If single, just make own template stating your particulars, such as: Name/ NIK/Passport No. and statement that you haven't married. signed with your signature and date, no need materai. Some people I know put on materai la but personally I didnt put because I only have 1 materai for Surat Permohonan only. 

If married, please provide your buku nikah and legalize in your hometown's DukCaPil office, basically the issuing office that issued this document. So if you married in Jakarta, Indonesia, you have to go back to Jakarta DukCaPil office in Jakarta to settle the legalization stuffs.

Personally I didn't go through the DukCaPil route since all of my daughter's documentation are issued by KBRI Singapore, which blessing in disguise. So I'm not too sure how to find local DukCaPil, I heard can just google or there is a dedicated website just for that. 


No. 4. Fotokopi dokumen perjalanan Republik Indonesia atau Kartu Tanda Penduduk yang sudah diverifikasi oleh Perwakilan Republik Indonesia

If you have KTP, again, back to DukCaPil in hometown to get legalize.

In my case, my daughter do not have KTP, so I use Indonesia's passport. KBRI can legalize expired passport as long as issued by KBRI. So upon booking KBRI appointment via Antrian online, I also legalize her expired Indonesia passport together with her Akte Lahir, since both document issued by KBRI. So killing two birds with one stone. 


No.5. Surat keterangan dari pejabat negara asing yang menyatakan pemohon akan menjadi warga negara asing yang diterjemahkan dalam bahasa Indonesia oleh penerjemah resmi tersumpah

5a. Firstly, go to: https://www.ica.gov.sg/reside/citizenship/confirmation

Submit online, follow the instruction, most likely need Singpass to verify, and Paynow $20 as per request, wait few days later, random ICA officer will be in contact with you via email, reply to him/her explaining your situation and they will help you to churn out this confirmation of SG Citizenship status document, very efficient. the PDF is locked by password which is your birthdate. download, and print hardcopy. 


5b. Next, go to:https://legalisation.sal.sg/

Choose Services> Authorization & Legislation> Quick Links> Request Apostille Legalization Services>follow the instruction before you make a payment of $10.70 for legalization fees and $1.07 for photocopy services. Meaning if you need 2 copies of document to be legalized, you need to pay ($10.70 X 2) + ($1.07 X 2) = before 9% GST. 

After that, walk in to SAL office get to Singapore Academy of Law (SAL) to legalize, a little bit tricky, you need to show SA officer the email communication and open the PDF document in front of them, before they can proceed to legalize. No need to book appointment for SAL, just walk in within operating hours. 



5c. Lastly, use this document, to be translated to translator which based in SG office. In my case, I choose infamous Mr. Anwar which has already the template, so turnaround time within few hours. Text him at 9650 5794, send him the softcopy to office_ind@yahoo.com.sg, make payment via paynow/paylah ($50 per page of documents), within few hours, please ask for the draft before he printed and stamp basah with his signature. PLEASE CHECK your details MANY MANY TIMES beforehand. Then come down to his office to collect the hardcopy.

In conclusion there were 3 steps to do just to get this document.

Are you still with me? Good.


6. Fotokopi Paspor Asing yang dilegalisasi oleh Perwakilan negara yang mengeluarkan.

SG passport bring to SAL to legalize. Refer to the steps in 5b, which basically:

Go to:https://legalisation.sal.sg/

Choose Services> Authorization & Legislation> Quick Links> Request Apostille Legalization Services>follow the instruction before you make a payment of $10.70 for legalization fees and $1.07 for photocopy services. Meaning if you need 2 copies of document to be legalized, you need to pay ($10.70 X 2) + ($1.07 X 2) = before 9% GST, and so on and so forth. 

After that, walk in to SAL office get to Singapore Academy of Law (SAL) to legalize, for SG passport, SG IC, just need to show them original physical passport and I/C card, cannot use Singpass. 


7. Bukti pengembalian paspor Indonesia dari Kantor Imigrasi atau Perwakilan Repubik Indonesia.

Another long-winded process just to obtain this document. Hope you mabok enough already from this "SAKE" since AHU and KBRI are having a chicken and eggs situation, hahaha....

7a. In order to return expired Indonesia passport, I need to bring these document to KBRI. So prepare these document first beforehand. 

1. Surat Permohonan (which means you have to do one time of mock-up submission, download the Surat Permohonan, print, but do not sign and  do not put materai first) 

2. Print pop-up notification showing 9 documents in AHU website. the page that you need to click "Saya Paham" page before proceeding to the next page. Refer to (1a), gonna scroll all the way up. Remember to screenshot all the way until profile page on the left side which showing the name of profile picture. 

3. Legalized Indo passport (in my case, legalized in KBRI, although it's expired passport but KBRI still legalize it)

4. SG passport (legalized di SAL)

5. SG pink IC (legalized di SAL)

6. Word document with standard template: Renunciation of Indonesian Citizenship, contain of Name, Handphone No., and Address in Singapore. Then signed, named, and date. In case, if they need to contact you for any additional information.

7. New latest KK with barcode (old KK no barcode- need to legalize in DukCapil) 

Next steps after you obtain all the above document, next: 

7b. To return back passport, you cannot book from Antrian online, so have to email or whatsapp them. Email to konsuler@indonesianembassy.sg or imigrasi@indonesianembassy.sg and WA to 9186 0058 to get the appointment date and timing. Remember nowadays KBRI not allowed to walk-in and based on appointment only, the security guards are very strict. And do wear proper attire, no tanktop, no sleeveless, skirt, sandal, or even shorts that above knees also cannot enter the premises. Dress properly and wear covered shoes, to be safe. 

After you got KBRI appointment, go and surrender the passport, 3 working days later, come back to collect the letter of Bukti Pengembalian passport issued by KBRI. Since it's in ENG and IND so no need to translate or whatsoever. 

8. Pasfoto berwarna terbaru dari orang yang mengajukan pernyataan berukuran 4x6 cm (empat kali enam sentimeter) sebanyak 2 (dua) lembar

The simplest document to do among all. Firstly, to go to photostudio, tell the aunty/uncle to take passport photo for Indonesia embassy, both soft/hardcopy, take photo, pay, that's all. Nowadays AHU not that strict, red or white background also can. with or without collar also OK, as long as proper attire. 

So by now you have documents no.2-8, let's submit (for the second time) to get the Surat Permohonan. Let's do it:


Click> Selanjutnya> Go to data Ayah dan Data Ibu


Click Selanjutnya> Perhatian pop-up box> OK. However, ensure that the data is correct and accurate. 

Summary page look like this:



Download to PDF file, now can download, print, and put materai, signed on it. 


Then it will bring you to the next page to upload all the document


Another thing to take note, when uploading the document, you only can upload jpeg,jpg, png, which limited to 1 pager. There is no way you can upload PDF file. I hope they can improve this next time. 

Do not worry of missing document to be upload, you definitely cannot move to the next page until you uploaded all of the document. 

Finally, 

9. Bukti pembayaran penerimaan negara bukan pajak

Lastly, there will be Surat Perintah Bayar (SPB) which contain of the details of bank account and payment instruction, just make a payment via KlikBCA. Once paid, produce the receipt, and wait for awhile for email notification of succesful payment, scan softcopy in the "upload bukti pembayaran page" and print hardcopy for DHL shipment later on. 

I remember during my time, since KlikBCA still haven't really developed yet, we need to come down to the only one branch of BNI bank in Singapore, go one time to transfer payment over the counter, then wait for the next working day to collect proof of payment receipt. Such a waste of time. 5 years have passed and KlikBCA really helps a lot to streamline the payment process. 


That's all how to get all of the 9 documents stated above. So in conclusion, the trips that I went through:

1. KBRI - 4 trips: 1 to legalize the KBRI documents (Akte Lahir, Indonesian passport- expired, need appointment via Antrian Online). 1 to collect the document, no need appointment. 1 to return passport- need appointment via email/WA, last 1 to collect the document, no need appointment. So total 4 trips. 

2. SAL-  1 trip to make online payment for legalization document and then walk-in. In my case, I need to pay 4 documents which are SG passport, SG I/C, SG ICA confirmation of citizenship letter ($10.70X3)+ ($1.07X3)= before GST. If you kiasu, you can make 2 copies each document so everything X6. and so on. When you come down to SAL, there are 3 documents needed to be legalized by far: 1. ICA - Confirmation of SG Citizenship. 2. SG passport, and 3. SG IC 


Next, all of the softcopy that you have uploaded, you have to mail out the hardcopy (with those legalization stamp) all the way to AHU office via DHL. 

How to mail out via DHL. Firstly, make a shipment via online: https://shipnow.dhl.com/mt/en/create-shipment

Choose Ship and PayOnline> can choose btn courier pickup OR drop off at DHL Service Point

Follow the instruction, paid online, and for me, since I do not have DHL envelope, I choose to drop off at DHL Service Point so that I can print out the label sticker, DHL envelope, and ask advices from the counter. But if you have above items, you can easily arrange for courier pickup. 

Lastly, opt-in for DHL tracking number, the most expensive price to ship DHL to AHU Jakarta office, so you'll know what is the status and when the shipment arrived in AHU office. One obstacle, the postal code is 12940 which not matched with the city so you need to put "Setia Budi" and the system will allow you to proceed to the next page. I think I spent almost an hour to figure out. 

Here is the address: Jalan HR Rasuna Said kav 6-7, Kuningan, Jakarta Selatan, 12940. "Setia Budi" 

After that, the waiting game...

In my case, I submitted complete SAKE online on 23 Dec, paid, and print all the document, and DHL it on the same date. Next day, 24 Dec DHL status delivered in AHU office. 25 Dec Christmas holiday so office closed. But I kept on following up via email and WA until got reply from the officer. I understand that their response will be slower than usual since it's end of the year, people start clearing leaves, cuti bersama, and festive seasons...

As per Sept 2025, there will be no more "cendol", so now the verification process consist of 4 departments:

1. Verifikasi FU- 30 Dec 2025 

2. Verifikasi Kasie

3. Verifikasi Kasubdit

4. Verifikasi Direktur

And once they confirm the status will change to "Sesuai" with the sidenote of "Keterangan" 




To be continued....part 2. Because I've realized the post is too long and I have to break it into 2 parts. 

Very important information:

AHU email address: cs@ahu.go.id

AHU WA number: +62 81223848678

KBRI email address:konsuler@indonesianembassy.sg or imigrasi@indonesianembassy.sg 

KBRI WA to 9186 0058


-Debora- 














Tuesday, 18 April 2023

Achievement Unlock: MBA

 Do you know what is the best revenge, post break-up?

You don't need to do anything ridiculous, just to revenge him. 

What do you need to do...is...LIVE YOUR LIFE..Continue to carry on your "postpone" dreams when you were in the relationship with him, and START TO LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST.


And here we go, after post breakup in 2018, I forced myself to wake up and continue living Now, I can safely said that I am completely over him and focus on myself, family, new career, more achievement to be unlocked.

April 2019: Moved in together. First holiday to Pulau Perhentian for diving trip with cousin.

25 June 2019: Welcome si MERAH Civic, additional to our family. Car is a necessity especially when the distance from house to office is like 1.5 hour journey 1 way. 

July 2019: he proposed and registered ROM date 

Aug 2019: Second holiday: Sydney and Melbourne with Nana and family.

Nov 2019: still went business trip to KL office (for the first/second time!?) and then continue to third holiday together to Bangkok, because eventhough it's near but it never be in my bucket list for whatever reason, so decided just to go Bangkok for my birthday. I am glad that we went, before Covid hits.

Dec 2019: Na and family came to stay for few weeks.

And did BBQ housewarming in new house. 

2020: COVID hits so nothing much happening but I got my citizenship in March 2020. so well, at least with new passport, I couldnt go anywhere at that point of time but will use it once the borders open. 

Feb 2021: Officially ROM with my love one, thanks abang, for always put up with me, in good times and bad times. We are not perfect human but we are perfect for each other.

May 2021: Finally get a courage to continue MBA. I enrolled Master of Business Administration in University of Murdoch partnership with Kaplan. The program is about 1.5years to 2 years depending on my speed but due to Covid and I am doing part time, so a lot of countless sleepless nights. I was busy due to online class, group drama with one of the Thai classmate, and completed Finance/ Accounting module with the help of abang. SO AGAIN, Thanks Abang, I couldn't have done this without his support. 

Feb 2022: Happy 1st anniversary! Just celebrate together with Valentine's day. This is the thing, we are quite "old" and "boring" couple so NO gamble, NO going out until very late at night, NO stupid or ridiculous thing. NOTHING. Just go out for dinner to eat steamboat and home early since the next day got to work. 

April 2022: Decided to take Sabbatical leaves for 4 months as an excuse of "burnt out" due to work stress and part time study. End up, I was in Jakarta for a month-long holiday, eating, visiting friend and relatives, first time bleaching hair full-head and decided to go purple! I have gained so much weight but overall quite happy and contented. Oh, first time balik kampung with red passport as well, so only can stay in Jakarta for exactly 30days before visa expired. 

May 2022: I still remember taking my online class in hotel Bandung, while they all went out to street food for dinner. After that they got tabao back so supper for me.

29 May 2022: IT WAS THE DAY THAT MOCHI CAME INTO MY HOUSE

So excited finally I got a puppy! I have never in my wildest dream, dreaming about owning a dog in Singapore. Now I am a proud of Mochi-red shiba inu puppy owner and taking care of her was not easy at the beginning, she got kennel cough and it took me about 2 months for her recovery. But the last week of her recovery, we sent back to her petshop for few days so that I can finally have cruise-honeymoon trip with husband.

June- July 2022: Royal Caribbean cruise trip, taking intermediate and advance excel course over the weekend

Got called back for interview of internal role: CX lead

Aug 2022~ now: started new career path, thanks to MBA, my last semester of MBA but already secured the new job with huge jump of % increment, thanks God. 

Oct 2022: MBA graduation with father in town, too bad the graduation is in English.

Nov 2022: DRAMA with family, won't reveal any details here but I decided to be fully independent and finally understood this statement, "although blood is thicker than water, neighbor (as in kampung spirit) still the best" HAHAHA kampung spirit in condominium. 

Dec 2022: Now Nana and family came over for almost 3 weeks to spend time together and holiday in Singapore. With si Merah it is so much easier going places/ cafe-hunting

March 2023: Mochi 1st birthday and decided to take family photoshoot. 

NOW April 2023: Accumulating wealth and health, the biggest investment is exercise and WESOP. LOL.

SO again, so much happening in my life ever since the last time i saw you. And it is because my own capacity (and of course my husband and family support). I know you are aware of this blog existence and still sometime reading it and most probably brag about yourself and stupid ideas of "I need to break up with her first so that right now she is successful", so I said, FUCK OFF!? 

I am happier, HEALTHIER, and wiser without you, ex. 


kthxbye. 



 




Tuesday, 16 February 2021

Mulutmu Harimaumu

Pernah denger kata, "Mulutmu, Harimaumu"? 

Kata orang, perkataan bisa membangun manusia, perkataan juga bisa membunuh manusia. Padahal paling gampang mengucapkan kata2 sebab lidah tak bertulang. Makanya hati2lah bila mengucapkan sesuatu, connect your tongue with your brain before saying any words. Sebab kata-kata itu gampang diucapkan tetapi berat maknanya. 

Contoh seperti saya sekarang, padahal udah hampir 2 tahun putus dari yang orang Malaysia, fucking gamble addict itu, akan tetapi kata2-nya masih menghantui sampai sekarang. Yah engak terus2an sih menghantui, cuman kadang2 aja on and off, saya pun masih dalam proses healing walaupun sudah move on dan mengampuni, tapi tetap saja susah untuk melupakannya. 


1. "You're married, got kid, and divorced so young, I bet Giselle will be like you, too. Got pregnant before married and soon within few years from now, you will carry your own grandkids in such a young age"

Perkataan ini adalah perkataan dirinya selama kami masih pacaran. Yah, selama kami bersama, ada-lah 4-5X dia mengatakan sepetti itu, pas lagi bercanda or lagi ngobrol bersama. Beda2 tempat dan konteksnya. Sebenarnya saya tersinggung sedikit tapi apa dikata, karena masih ingin bersama yah pas masa itu, yah saya tutup sebelah mata saja. Telan dengan pahit. Tapi setelah putus dan mengingat kembali perkataan ini, lagi membuat saya yakin bahwa perkataan ini menyakitkan dan membunuh saya secara emosionally. OMG what have I done for the past 3years together with him sucking up at his bullshit!


2. "I can't believe you're born like this and no one in your family (or friends) tell you off and I hate to be the one who has to teach you basic manner like this"

Lupa juga konteksnya apa tapi kayaknya berantem kecil gara2 masalah sepele, dan saya kan emang orangnya vocal, loud, and straightforward. Jadi A yah A, dan B yah B. Beda karakter dengan dia yang soft-spoken, playing mind-game (e.g: yes means no and no means yes, capek deh pokoknya reading his emotion, considering his pride, and reading situation/ambience, etc etc, aka bertele2)

Yah namanya juga udah beda culture, beda bahasa, dan beda karakter, yah kalo gak cocok berarti gak cocok. Sampai ada satu waktu dimana saya gak bisa jadi diri sendiri, harus selalu hati2 dalam perkataan dan tingkah laku didepan dia dan keluarganya dan lebih memilih gak ngomong and comfortable with awkward silence, daripada ngomong tapi nanti akhirnya balik lagi menyerang saya. 


3. " You see my ex, I need to broke up with her first and now she's become successful and a good Christian girl. I need to GIVE her a harsh break and let her go so that now she become very successful and thanks to me now she is very successful." 

I was like, duh! Masa orang harus diputusin dulu sih baru berubah jadi lebih baik? Dan credit to you who was already taken initiative to break up, now she's better than before?? WHAT KIND OF NONSENSE IT IS and I DIDN'T KNOW WHY AT THAT POINT OF TIME I JUST LISTENED STUPIDLY TO HIS NONSENSE AND NOT RELENT! Oh because i still want him, thats why just kept quiet and nodded to keep his ego on check! 

In my heart, Bukannya couples itu harusnya bersama dan saling membangun satu sama lain towards a better future and positively encourage each other for a good development? 

MAKANYA DIE DIE, I DONT WANT TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH HIM, TOTALLY BURNT ALL THE BRIDGE WITH HIM AND HIS FAMILY, SEBAB BISA AJA KAN DIA AMA CEWEK BARUNYA JUGA DIGOMBALIN BEGITU, "OH LOOK AT MY EX (AKA ME), I NEED TO BROKE UP WITH HER FIRST SO THAT NOW SHE'S SUCCESSFUL, ALREADY GOTTEN CITIZENSHIP, STABLE INCOME, STAY IN CONDO, GRADUATED MBA, STABLE RELATIONSHIP WITH HER CURRENT BF, ETC ETC. " 

Maaf ya bragging, kesuksesan saya, saya yang capai sendiri, malahan pas sama dia, karir gue anjlok, sibuk ngurusin dia dan masalah gamblenya dia sampai gak ada waktu dan gak fokus sama anak dan karir, sama diri sendiri. Dasar Setan. 

And now I'm with a new one, orangnya gak neko2, habis kerja langsung pulang rumah, gak gamble, gak KTV, gak main cewek, and he gives me security, physically and emotionally so that i have my own time to focus on my kid and career. Support me with financial advice and because of him, I can graduate MBA, I even have my own time to self-love myself. THANK GOD I FOUND HIM. And how to know that I'm with someone perfectly good for me? easy, lihat aja keseharianku, aman dan nyaman tinggal bersama doi, bisa jadi diri sendiri didepan doi, gak usah pura2, sekarang i can say that saya pribadi menjadi lebih baik dan lebih maju financially and emotionally bersama doi, paling penting bagi seorang wanita itu adalah SENSE OF SECURITY di segi manapun, physical, emotional, mental, and financial. Meaning I'm with the right person. THANK GOD. 

And vice versa, kalau misalnya couples tapi selalu bertengkar karena hal2 sepele, misal karena nada saya ngomong lebih tinggi sedikit and gak enak didenger....atau dia marah dan tersinggung everytime I speak my own opinion because it's simply the truth!? Kan biasa gitu, orang marah karena apa yang dikatakan orang lain itu benar, kalau engak kenapa yok marah!? LOL. 

And i can clearly vouch that he was not the one for me, because when i was with him, i had this uncontrollable anxiety whereby i need to know where he is, whom he's with,  what he's doing, etc etc, to the point of paranoia that i need to constantly checked his handphone and whereabouts because i know when he's disappeared from  his daily routine, ujung2nya pasti sneakily go inside Casino or KTV which worries me the most. Go casino for just few hours can potentially blow $5-10k. Very expensive hobby, prince Kedah, lol. Then at that point of time, he didn't even bother to address my paranoia towards him but make it worst, more lying and more money gambled inside Casino each days... And not only Casino yah, dia juga gambling 4D, TOTO, soccer, and lucunya saya gak tau ternyata badminton juga bisa lho di gamble-in alamak... pantesan ada satu waktu dimana he's super interested in watching badminton match, padahal main or sentuh raket aja gak pernah, my oh my. 


4. "I've really want to prove (brother in law or me or someone that look down to him) that I can be successful, that's why I went in Casino to win big and prove it"

Now masalahnya eh, siapa yang look down on you? perasaanmu saja kali yang orang look down padahal orang biasa2 aja kok, persoalan koko ipar suka buka surat dan parcelnya dia sebab yah dia tinggal ditempat koko in law-nya (OMG 33 years old and still live together with sister, dasar lintah darat!). Dan koko in law-nya juga takut dia ngutang bank or ngutang Ah long makanya tiap ada surat or parcel atas nama dia, langsung dibuka amplopnya gak pake lama. lol. Terus ngomel2 ke gue katanya no privacy, no life, gak dihargai sama orang rumah. Tapi dipikir2 lagi kalau gue jadi koko in law-nya juga pasti akan bertingkah laku sama, kan takut bok alamat rumahnya sama nanti kalau ada bank or Ahlong yang datang pawn his home, OMG, which is very likely to happen, especially when he's blind because of gambling addiction...Kasian yah keluarga sana punya adik or hubungan darah yang "moyung: useless fuck" seperti dia, untung saja saya udah lepas semua dan putus total. Totally burnt the bridge, no more contact. That's for the best. 

Dan kalau misal gak mau orang look down on you, please cari kerjaan yang benar dan halal, jangan suka telat berangkat ke kantor (tiap kali telat bangun, langsung naik cab at least thrice a week and sampai kantor jam 1030am ke atas gitu ya elah) dan really focus on career. Gak ada kata shortcut for a success. You earn the success with blood and tears, with time and effort. Gak ada yang namanya shortcut to Casino and hope to WIN BIG within short period of time. Itu mah namanya mau sukses tapi males. Benar2 cowok gak mature dan gak guna deh. Apa jangan2 itu hanyalah alasan untuk memuaskan gambling addictionmu saja. Again I have done with his shit, kept on lying, kept on dissapearing which make me trauma. 


5. "I've seen your parents and relatives, and your sister, too...all not pretty (or not attractive), and honestly you're not that pretty, too. Maybe "attractive" is not in your genes."

Nah ini konteksnya setelah tahun ke-2 pacaran dan gue bawa pulang Jakarta untuk Christmas holiday and nemuin bonyok gue. Sepintas I didn't really bother with this statement coz I'm pretty much secure person. You said me ugly? OK lho, You said me stupid? WHATEVER....  But after broke up and flash back on these few occassion, this statement make me upset. WHY? WHY HE HAS TO SAID THAT WHEN THAT POINT OF TIME, WE DIDN'T EVEN HAD ARGUMENT!? Maksudnya apa....Padahal bisa aja lho dengan perkataan menyakitkan begini gue tersakiti dan lebay dan ngambek but because of my sense of security, I have no problem with that. I didn't feel sad or just ignore coz i feel like this is small matter and it's okay la just tutup sebelah mata. 

Padahal gue sama sekali gak pernah bilang eh cici lu gendut yah mesti diet or relatives lu jelek etc etc, biasa aja gue, and why then he said i'm not that attractive but he is attracted to me and spent 3 years to be my bf? gak salah lho. Jilat tuh ludah sendiri. 

Sebenarnya masih banyak lagi perkataan2 dia yang nonsense dan menyakiti saya selama 3tahun yang kelam itu, tapi yah ini top 5 yang masih saya ingat sampai sekarang. And now I'm moving on and getting hitch next week, I'm praying to God and surrender to Him to set me free dari kata2 yang menyakitkan ini. Masih dalam proses recovery and I believe with time and God's Grace, i will definitely go through this. Thanks for reading yah. Bye.


-Debbie-




Monday, 24 August 2020

Gratitude 2020- Blog pakai Bahasa Indonesia ajah.

Post kali ini, pakai Bahasa Indonesia aja. 

Udah lama gak nge-blog pakai Bahasa Indonesia.

Jadi yang baca, harus orang Indo atau Melayu, yang bisa bahasa Indonesia. Slang. 

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Intinya post ini hanya untukku saja. 

Buat me-memori-kan milestone kehidupanku. Biar inget sampai hari tua. 

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Sudah hampir setaon, saya dan doi tinggal bersama, ada yang nyinyir kumpul kebo, ada yang nyinyir beda agama tapi so far kami ok tuh hidup bersama. We get along very well. 

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Setaon ini, selalu suka, gak ada duka. 

Setaon ini, selalu ketawa, gak ada susah.

Setaon ini, selalu bahagia, gak ada kecewa.

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Setaon ini, bahagia aku dibuatnya. Doi memang mengutamakan aku seorang saja. Lebih dari dirinya sendiri. 

Terimakasih telah mencintaiku apa adanya.

Doi kan umurnya cukup jauh. Jadi lebih sayang dan "cincai" sama saya. Banyak banget kekurangan saya, udah bekas cerai, punya past baggage 1, masih mau lagi doi sama saya. 

Padahal saya orangnya keras kepala, susah dikasih tau atau dinasehati, suka naik pitam dan marah2 gak jelas (aka PMS). 

Tapi Doi tuh tau banget, kalau saya lagi marah yah di-diemin, entaran juga reda sendiri. 

Kalau saya lagi bete, yah diajak jalan2 biar seneng. 

Kalau saya lagi bimbang, diajak tukar pikiran, biar pikiranku lebih terbuka dan engak overthinking. 

Terimakasih yah, telah menerimaku apa adanya.

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Dulu, saya ini yang gak pernah masak dan baking, kerjain housechores aja malas2an. Tetapi saya ingin menjadi pasangan yang baik. Jadi saya paksakan untuk mau belajar masak, bake untuk doi. 

Dulu saya ini malas orangnya, berantakan banget. Sukanya lihat bersih2 tapi males kalau disuruh do housechores. Tapi untuk doi, saya mau berbenah rumah, do laundry, sapu dan pel (kan pakai Robot, hahaha), dan rumah bersih dan kinclong saat doi sampai rumah.

Home dan House kan artinya kan rumah tapi ada bedanya sedikit yah. Kalau house itu adalah rumah bangunannya, home itu orangnya. Jadi sudah menjadi tugas saya, sebagai pasangan yang baik untuk menyediakan home untuk kami berdua. 

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Nah gara2 saya lagi sakit maag akut dan harus kerja dari rumah, banyak waktu luang deh. Habis di endoscopy dan colonoscopy dan diberi banyak obat maag sampai minggu depan. Semoga gak ada hal serius ya tolong didoakan semoga saya cepat sembuh. I miss curry and sambal balado :-( 

Nah karena sekarang banyak waktu luang, saya jadi senang banget hobi membanding2kan keadaan dulu sewaktu masih sama mantan yang hantu judi itu sama keadaan saya yang sekarang ini yang bahagia. Jahat sih sebenarnya membanding2kan, tetapi gimana lagi kan saya hanya manusia biasa, udah kristen KTP pula, gak pernah gereja lagi. Gak apa deh hanya untuk count my blessing aja. hahaha. 


Mari dimulai. Mantan bilangnya M yah. Dan pacar baru bilangnya Doi.


1. PAST: Dulu saya pusing soal M 's wellbeing, harus jadi babu gitu bangunin M tiap pagi supaya gak telat ke kantor, kalau dibangunin kena omel, gak dibangunin juga kena omel, kalau M telat ke kantor juga saya yang kena katanya kok telat banguninnya, padahal sama2 kerja kita orang. Beban saya. 

Terus belum lagi pusing juga harus ngurusin baju, handuk, bersihin lantai karena skinnya si M itu shedding, kayak serbuk2 gitu dilantai, belum lagi headscalpnya. Jijik. Yah bukan salah dia sih eczema akut dari kecil, tapi kadang2 tuh pagi udah ribet urusan sendiri (mandi, siap2, make up, etc) mesti harus rempong ngurusin M juga, berasanya tuh saya jadi babysitter. Beban banget saya. 

NOW: Saya dan pacar baru saya (doi) orangnya morning person, jadi gak ada kesulitan bangun pagi. Malah doi yang bangun duluan, siap2. Dan saya bangun 10-15mins setelahnya untuk nyiapin sarapan. Sarapan-pun simple, cuman toast bread, omelette, kopi (or ovaltine maklum saya lagi sakit maag) paling cuman 20mins siapin sarapan. Terus beres2 langsung ke kantor bareng. Kalau lagi bosan sarapan dirumah yah kami sarapan diluar. Commute juga cuman max 30mins dari rumah ke kantor. No beban. 


2. PAST: Dulu saya pusing si M judi. Kalau sudah uncontactable nights berhari2, udah tau deh kemana si M. Setelah akhirnya bisa dicontact lagi, eh, baru pengakuan dia habis dari casino dan kalah $xxx. Bisa sampai berpuluh2 k lho itungannya. Serem banget sampai terkuras habis uang tabungannya, dan ngutang lagi sama bank or temannya. Bukannya tabungan itu makin bertambah untuk masa depan kita (goal: ROM dan beli HDB) malahan negatif terus. Ngutang orang/ bank lagi hadeuh. Bener2 useless banget. 

Sampai waktu2 saya yang harus tanggung semua dating expenses. Dipikir2 lagi bodoh banget saya. Buta cinta kali yah pas waktu itu. Paling bodohnya sewaktu saya secara sukarela swipe credit card of $3k untuk membiayai M judi, sewaktu kami liburan ke Genting. Terus ditahun kedua kami jalan bareng, saya rela pinjam cash advance credit ke UOB sebesar $10k hanya untuk membantu meringankan monthly bank payout-nya si M. Terakhir itu saya ditodong $1k buat dia modal casino, katanya M janji yang terakhir kalinya gamble, setelah itu next month dan seterusnya saya boleh ambil 100% kontrol gajinya. HAHAHAHA buat apa ya, saya tanya? Kalau dia pikir saya mau sama dia karena mau take control gajinya 100% or eyeing his PR status just to get HDB. Salah besar dia. Narcisstic banget kan pola pikirnya. Dikira situ siapa? Prince Kedah yah. LOL 

Tapi yah semuanya udah berlalu dan udah lunas sih. Sudah recover juga financially. Ya weis. Jadi pembelajaran saja. Ikhlas saya. 


NOW: Gak usah pusing deh masalah financial. Wong kami berdua kerja dan mapan kok. Malah saya salute sama doi yang bisa berhemat selama 3tahun demi membeli private property sendiri. Hebat. Jadi sekarang saya punya banyak waktu untuk diri saya sendiri, bisa kasih waktu dan kasih sayang buat Giselle, bisa full perawatan sebulan sekali, dsb. Seneng banget. 


3. PAST: Dulu saya pusing si M main KTV. Kalau engak main sama temannya yang di SG, main sama temennya yang di Malaysia. Dan KTVnya yang hanky panky aka ada cewek escortnya gitu yah. Udah gak bisa minum alkohol gara2 operasi jantung bypass kemarin itu, terus ke KTV ngapain coba? masa nyanyi doang? gak percaya saya. 

Terus saya kasih tau, eh saya gak nyaman lho kan kamu pacar saya dan kita komitmen mau nikah tapi kamunya masih sering ke KTV gitu. Serius kamu cuman nyanyi2 aja? kan diruangan KTV-nya pasti banyak cewek2 escort yang pakaiannya skimpy. Serius kamu bisa tahan engak grepe2 mereka? Masa kamu lebih nyaman melihat cewek escort sexy itu daripada pacarmu sendiri. Sampai stress lho saya kalau ada teman Malaysianya main ke SG, karena awal2nya saya pasti disuruh nemenin mereka makan dan habis itu mereka second round lanjut ke KTV dan of course saya disuruh pulang. Terus kalau saya voice out, langsung di Gas Lighting bilangnya percaya dong sama pacar sendiri, saya-nya yang halusinasi kali atau langsung marah dan uncontactable for few days. Pikir2 lagi manipulatif banget yah si M

Sampai trauma saya kalau sudah gak balas text or angkat telpon, pasti pikiran saya jadi gundah, apalagi kalau cicinya cariin M ada di tempat saya atau tidak. Soalnya kalau tidak ke casino,  pasti ke KTV. Sampai saya posesif banget akhirnya sampai telpon/ text berulang kali, video call cuma untuk tahu dia lagi dimana. Suka cek2 hapenya sampe akhirnya passwordnya diganti. Yah salah saya juga sih mengecek2 kayak detektif gitu, tetapi kalau awalnya saya gak dibohongi dan dibohongi berulang kali, gak mungkin saya jadi se-posesif gitu kan? Gimana caranya build trust tapi selalu dibohongi? Selalu si M bilang harus percaya 100% sama dia tapi dia dan perilakunya yang selalu buat saya gak percaya.

Kebohongan demi kebohongan selalu keluar dari mulutnya kalau lagi kumat judi atau KTV. Dan berulang kali saya termakan rayuannya akhirnya baikan.  Janji untuk tidak judi lagi juga hanya semata kebohongan belaka. Eh beberapa bulan lagi, begitu lagi. Sifat dan kebiasaan jelek memang susah diubah. Selama 3 tahun perjalanan kami, every problem will be hidden under the rug. Kalau saya voice out, langsung di Gas Lighting. Super manipulative nih anak. 


NOW: Sekarang saya dan pacar baru saya adalah pasangan tua yang boring. Jangankan ke KTV, telat pulang malam aja udah panik. Masih diluar diatas jam 10 malam udah ngantuk. Ngantuknya bukan main. Kami habis kerja, dinner bareng, terus langsung pulang. Itupun gak sampai jam 930pm keatas. Mata udah 5watt bok. Belum lagi ritual skincare bisa 1 jam lebih. Makanya no drama deh. 

Wong kami orangnya serius dengan relationship kami. 

Doi orangnya, gak suka main cewek, gak suka mabok2an, gak suka KTV, gak suka judi, gak suka makan manis2, dan gak suka diluar gawe2 gitu.

Doi orangnya, anak rumahan, sukanya wine (classy!), hobinya nabung, dan jangankan judi, masuk ke casino aja gak pernah. Dan bagusnya lagi hobinya gowes, olahraga.

Jadi saya gak suka yang namanya posesif , ini juga semenjak saya kerja dari rumah dan doi ngantor, kami jarang texting selama jam kerja, semua fokus kerja dengan benar selama jam kerja. Terus selesai kerja, langsung pulang.  Repeat. Ini aja saya ada access ke hp doi tapi jarang tuh buka dan cek2, lha ngapain si doi orangnya lurus kok. Vice versa, doi tahu password hp saya dan saya juga gak keberatan dia cek or buka sebab saya bersih kok, saya gak ada hal yang harus disembunyikan juga. Cek yah cek aja. Saya gak takut. 


4. PAST: Terus saya juga kurang sreg sama keluarga M. Beda culture beda bahasa.

Masa Cicinya udah tau adiknya salah (judi, ktv, utang bank) tapi masih membela adiknya daripada saya. Saya yang orang benar, gak judi, gak ktv, bersih financially, tapi kalau saya nasehati adiknya malah gak terima. Terus banyak ikut campur persoalan saya dan si M jadi saya pikir kok berasanya saya pacaran dengan cicinya yah daripada pacaran sama si M. hahaha. Kocak juga sekarang kalau dipikir2 kembali. 

Terus menurut saya, salah cicinya sih sebab si M itu enak banget, semenjak cicinya kawin dan punya HDB sendiri, diberilah satu common room untuk si M . Jadi keenakan dia, gak usah bayar uang listrik dan sewa rumah. Toiletries, groceries, dan dinner pun gratis. Gak ada tanggung jawab sama sekali. Malahan pernah pas kapan si M pengangguran dan cuma depend on Uber's salary, dikasih uang jajan daily/ weekly gitu sama cicinya, udah lupa saya detailnya pokoknya begitu deh. Kayak gitu mah anaknya gak bakalan mandiri deh, jadi useless gitu. Makanya selama pacaran, saya selalu "maaf" menganggap remeh si M karena emang financially dan physically gak mandiri. Saya aja dulu masih seminggu sekali kerumahnya do his laundry. Jadi babu. Sampai sering berantem lho kami, sebab saya gak tahan liat dia sering bangun telat, malas, gak pikir panjang dan berencana jangka panjang, bisanya ngomong aja terus ngiri kalau ada temannya sukses atau lebih daripada dia. Tukang sirik orangnya. Jadi pikir2 lagi kok mau yah saya sama dia!? *roll eyes*

Nah soal bahasa, saya fasih bahasa Inggris, tapi kalau lagi marah bahasa Inggrisnya langsung jago. Saking jagonya gak memilah2 lagi kosakatanya. Yah udah asal buka mulut langsung kata2 vulgar keluar. Terus salahnya saya dan si M dulu kami suka texting, salah banget, harusnya kalau pacaran langsung ngomong face to face dan jangan texting melulu 24/7 apalagi pas lagi jam kerja. Dan jangan coba menyelesaikan masalah via texting or calling. Pasti kan gak keliatan body language and facial expressionnya, jadinya salah paham. Terus emang si M sukanya Manipulatif dan Gas Lighting juga, jadi ada masalah yah ngeles dia, terus saya konfrontasi bukannya solve masalah bersama2 eh malah berantem. Di dia-nya bilang lagi adem ayem kenapa cari masalah, padahal saya gak mau cari masalah, cuma mau ngobrol untuk menyelesaikan masalah. Terus sering banget dia bilang, saya halusinasi, kebanyakan nonton film/ news gak benar. Terus akhirnya last blast, uncontactable lagi. Bukannya menyelesaikan masalah, malah menghilang. Sampai goyah lho iman saya digituin, gila kan...

Terakhir, sehabis konfrontasi pasti ujung2nya dihukum saya, plan for weekend gagal, dia gak bisa dihubungi entah kemana, terus saya akan disalahkan atas apa yang terjadi selama dia menghilang (aka pergi gamble lagi, bilangnya karena berantem terus galau terus masuk casino lagi untuk relieve stress atau mau cepat selesai bayar hutang makanya gamble). 

Dan paling sebelnya, saya suka banget diajak makan siang atau makan malam sama keluarga mereka diluar. Makan malam mulainya jam 830pm keatas. Terus setelah makan, ditodong suruh bayar. Ditodong sama si M sih bukan sama keluarganya. Gila aja mereka keluarga besar bertujuh : Si M , father, cici, suaminya cici, toddler 2, mom in law VS saya sendiri. Sekali makan di Dian Xiao Er atau PuTien bisa habis $200-$300 karena pesennya banyak banget dan saya gak kebagian mesen, cuman makan saja, itupun makan dikit karena sudah terlalu malam dan saya lagi diet, tiba2 bill datang saya langsung disuruh mengeluarkan kartu kredit untuk bayar. Yah pertamanya saya syok, terus menolak, Kedua-tiga kali, berantem besar, sampai2 saya trauma udah gak mau lagi kalau diajak makan. Terus begitu saya voice out gak nyaman diajak makan keluarga besar dan ditodong bayar setelahnya, M bilangnya justru saya harus bayar supaya bisa memberi good impression kepada keluarga mereka kalau saya mampu dan mandiri, it's like wtf? kenapa gak lu aja bayar semua untuk membuktikan kalau lu mampu dan mandiri, saya gak butuh tuh keluar uang banyak hanya untuk mencari muka dan untuk membuktikan sesuatu. Ini mah namanya Robbery in the broad day light. Tingkat tinggi. 

Terus satu lagi, kan kalau kadang cewek stress itu kan suka ngedumel sendiri yah, atau curhat ke pasangan gitu. Yah sebagai pasangan, gak usah kasih pendapat or solusi sih sebenarnya, tinggal pasang kuping aja, nanti setelah selesai ngedumel juga baik sendiri kok, namanya juga cewek. Nah kalau saya sama si M , gak boleh lho curhat sama dia,pasti kena omel. Jadi misal saya curhat uneq2 masalah kantor or apa, terus dia langsung bilang eh gak boleh gitu, kita sebagai orang kristen harus holy dan taat, misalnya. Padahal sendirinya udah ceramah soal kekristenan tetep saja perilakunya tidak mencerminkan kekristenan. Terus akhirnya, yang awalnya saya mau curhat, akhirnya berantem, jadi sepertinya memang dia tidak perduli sama saya dan perasaan saya. Saya harus senantiasa holy dan sempurna didepan dia. Dan di dunia ini cuman dia dan dia saja (narcissistic-red flag). Sampai lama2 saya belajar dari pengalaman saya sendiri dan akhirnya tidak mau curhat lagi sama dia. Ngapain. Ujung2nya bertengkar. 

Yang paling saya takutkan adalah kami bertengkar, jantungnya dia kambuh lagi. Terus saya lagi yang disalahkan. 

Pokoknya sengsara deh.

Serba salah. 

Hidup penuh ketakutan. 

Hidup penuh kekhawatiran. 


NOW: Sekarang saya walaupun sesama Indonesian, tapi beda agama. Tapi so far kami saling memahami dan mengerti satu sama lain. Tenggang rasa. Emang sih kadang2 kangen sama lagu rohani yah sudah saya dengernya pas doi lagi gak ada. Suka nyanyi2 lagunya Maria Shandi juga di kamar mandi tapi gak apa tuh gak pernah marah or tersinggung si doi. Malah hobi kami sekarang nonton Indonesian movie di Netflix. Sama hunting makanan Indonesia dan durian. Terus hobi kami adalah Olahraga di taman sekitar rumah. 

Happiness is not coming from money but it's simply state of mind.

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Yah udahlah sekian dulu, capek ngetiknya. 


Terimakasih udah baca this wordy post ini, uneg2 saya udah selesai, sudah mendingan sekarang.


Tolong didoakan semoga saya cepat move on dari pengalaman buruk saya dan bisa langgeng sama yang baru ini. 


Amin. 



-Debbie- 




Tuesday, 11 August 2020

Post Circuit Breaker thoughts

It's been few months since the last post.

This year 2020, it has been 8 months since Covid -19 pandemic here in the world, many people impacted by this pandemic, either physically and mentally, some financially. Paycut, unemployment is on the high rise.

Not only that, new normal, lockdown, tele-commuting, second wave of Covid-19, paper toilet fighting in the supermarket, Presidential election, Beirut blast, China-US tension, Whitehouse shooting.  So many bad happening in this world.

However, we have some good news, too. Vaccine is coming out soon, NDP virtual celebration instead of gathering in Marina, people are stronger and closer (virtually/ not physically) in this difficult situation.

The country that hit hard by Covid -19 surprisingly is the first world country such as America.

My heart goes to everyone out there.

It's not the disease that kill us, it's the idiocy that kill us. And we call them, Covidiot.

Still many people protest about mask regulation and social distancing rules, they said wearing mask is like taking their freedom away to breathe freely, whereas the facts is, wearing mask is to prevent you from Covid-19, which can cause difficulty in breathing.

Many Covid un-symptomatic people still attend to big gathering and party, unknowingly pass the virus to larger crowd and more and more people get infected. Really angry with people selfishly celebrate party and gather crowd in this Covid situation. Then shamelessly post it in their social media.

The myths about Covid only affected to elder generation is bullshit. Even young and healthy 25 year old man also knock down by Covid -19. Yes, he can recover but he suffered from breathing difficulty, cough, lost of smell and tastebud, depending on ventilator 24/7 until he got recovered. After recovery, his lung will never be the same again as Covid has damaged the lungs and it will not fully 100% recover.

And elderly people who got hit by Covid-19, 99% will be linked to their past health condition. So either they will suffer from the virus itself, or they will suffer from their past condition such as diabetes, high blood, heart problems, cholesterol, you name it.

So guys, don't underestimate Covid-19, please. Stay distancing. Wearing your mask outside. Sanitize your hand. Eat healthily and regular exercise.

Be responsible citizen of the world.

Let's fight this Covid together :-)

-Debbie-